Nothing special.

So I haven't written in quite some time. I'm lazy really, and because of it, I'm not quite sure how long this blog will last. But its worth a try right?

The past couple of weeks have been really crazy: Quit a job, potentially starting another one, said no to graduate school, trying to figure out what I'm doing with my life, looking for an apartment (an affordable one where I won't be afraid of being shot at night; but I'm quickly coming to realize these two factors cannot peaceably coexist). I'm trying really hard to keep my head together in the midst of it all. So far so good. I mean, I know the things I think about and face day to day are the same as those almost everyone faces. I know I am not so "special" as to be the only one to deal with adversity in this life, but certainly some days it feels that way. It's like I'm having the crappiest of days, practicing breathing exercises, meditation and prayer to avoid having a panic attack, and just when I think, "Faith, it's totally not that big of a deal, everyone has their share." I log on to facebook and everyone's statuses seem to be intentionally and annoyingly optimistic. "Bob The Builder is enjoying the sunshine on a beautiful day". "Johnny Johnson has the best life ever"! "Suzy Suzalot just won a million dollars"!!!! Pictures posted of weddings, families, friends, candy and rainbows. EVERYone I talk to seems to being so great, having such fabulous circumstances. Okay, okay, so I'm being somewhat dramatic, but seriously, sometimes that's how it seems. And it's not that I am unhappy that the people near and far in my life are happy, just some days it's overkill. It's like having that one doggedly optimistic friend try to console you, continually offering bubbly bits of joyful wisdom. Part of you wants to hear them. You want to just admit they're right, and be happy-see the bright side, but the other part of you wants to punch them in the face, and just have them be sad with you. I realize that sounds kinda terrible, but don't pretend you haven't thought it before.

Anyway I'm just having to learn and re learn how to live this life; daily figuring out and changing what I'm even doing with it. It's just that sometimes the process is wearying, and I'm over it. I remember my senior year in high school, how excited I was to graduate, an become a "real person". If you had asked me then, I would have said that by now id be working some cool non-profit job with an arts organization, married to a painfully attractive man, living in Portland, or Seattle, Manhattan, Chicago, SOMEWHERE AWESOME!!!! Wow, I'm glad I didn't know how little I'd have figured out by 24. It would have just depressed sweet little 18 year old Faith. Ha. But I know the Lord is a good leader. I know that he finishes the things he starts, and that even in the midst of so much change and uncertainty that he is good, and that things are not as out of control as they often feel. Things are not as out of control as they often feel, things are not as out of control as they often feel...okay. I think I'm good.