Bad News Bears

I am prone to blog when: 1. I am upset and 2. When I'm feeling philosophical.

Today's post brought to you by reason number 1 ah-ah-ahhhhhh (get it? The Sesame Street Count?)...anyway.

Now I know this can make for a series of thematically redundant post, but I can't help it. When you feel like writing, you feel like writing I guess. Would it make it better if I promised to produce a "happy" post in the near future? I promise I will. I have some pics of a pretty sweet home makeover project that I've been meaning to post. I'll try to get it up tomorrow, and dilute some of the Debbie-Downer vibe.

It's just that today was one of those unbelievably horrible days. It was like a real life version of Meet the Parents. Just when you think it can't get worse, and you can't feel worse, it does, and you do. It's two days in a row that I've woken up on the completely wrong side of the bed. It was as if today was telling me that it was going to be terrible before I'd even finished opening my eyes. When I have mornings like that, I have to really put myself on guard and fight the gravity I know will try to weigh me down. This morning i tried...It just so happened that I also failed. My Alarm set for 8 o'clock decide not to go off until 8:45. One would think this was a user error, but oh no! Think again, alarm set for 8...in the morning, goes off at 8:45. It only serves as more proof that I need an actual alarm clock, and not a stupid Nokia cell phone. I hopped out of bed feeling seven different kinds of aggravated and it was all down hill from there. I managed to burn myself with a curling iron, suddenly remember to pay a bill--two days late mind you, have a panic attack about my finances, get pulled over on the way to work and incur a $160.00 ticket (making the aforementioned financial situation 10 times worse), Be 15 minutes late to work (again, this caused by the ticket scenario), Loose 15 dollars, Get stuck behind the worlds slowest woman at the post office on my lunch break, and therefore 20 mins late back to work, work the entire day with one of my least favorite people ever, stumble upon an old picture of my mother that made me home sick for a place and a person that no longer exist, and end it all by slamming my hand in the car door. It was so much more than this admittedly trivial list of annoying occurrences, but they certainly worked hard to add insult to preexisting injury. I would say that the day couldn't have gotten any worse, but I know that's not true, and also don't want to dare tomorrow to get any big ideas. It was just too much. On days like these it becomes incredibly hard for me to hope. I am easily discouraged I guess, or at least that's what people tell me. The funny thing is, that I don't think I am. Well...maybe sometimes, but in totality...no.

I haven't had the easiest life. Yes, I am well aware that so many have had it MUCH worse than I, but that doesn't' change the things I have lived. I am thankful that things weren't/haven't been worse, because honestly I don't think I could deal. But sometimes when I sit and think of my story to this point, I just get sad. I feel so aimless in this life. Rudderless and without cause. Like I'm living just to live, to spin my wheels and never actually gain any ground. Ok...super emo, I know, but, it's how I feel. How much discouragement can a heart take? How long can one struggle over and over with the same things before it just gets too hard to get up, to see how things will really ever be different? There's a verse that talks about "hope deferred" making the heart sick, and I wonder at what point does it become deferred? I've always imagined that verse as an example of "too much of a good thing". I mean, if hope is the longing for things that are not, then it would make sense that too much longing in the heart would ferment into doubt, unbelief, bitterness, and despair. Today it was an uphill battle against all of the above. Bad news bears is an understatement. But I do wish chubby, furry bears did deliver bad news. Though their appearance would be portentous foreshadowing, who could resist a cuddly bear? It would DEFinitly soften the blow of bad news...at least for crazies like me.

I am trusting and praying that tomorrow is better. The fact that I don't have to work, already puts it leagues ahead of today. I need good news. I need something miraculous and unexpected to happen. I need respite from the mundane, from what I think I know to be true about the way "things" are.

So here's to hope...


"Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us..."
-Rom 5:3-5

"But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope fore what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently."
-Rom 8:24

"We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure."
-Heb 6:19
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